Monday, April 20, 2015

A Life I Never Expected

We had some beautiful weather at the beginning of last week, so my little family spent a lot of afternoons and early evenings, outside in our backyard.  I believe it was Tuesday, Stephen was home from work and we had just finished supper and decided to head out back so Patrick could play.  I was sitting in the hammock, enjoying the pokes and jabs from baby girl.  Greta was prancing through the yard like a deer.  Stephen was hitting birdie balls, and Patrick was pretending to drive to Granny's in his little toy truck.  It hit me ... I am the luckiest, most blessed, richest woman in the world! It was complete perfection and tears came to my eyes as I just sat there, basking in the beautiful life God has given me.

Later that evening, I was journaling about the evening and how thankful I was.  Then I started remembering my life prior to kids, prior to marriage....I had always planned on being some sort of career woman, I would maybe marry (once my career was set) but not have children.  Or, if I did have children, they would be adopted (and not for the right reasons...for selfish ones that I won't go into now).  I started remembering the pain, anxiety, and disappointment of my college years as I realized I wasn't going to graduate and have a career.  I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my life and I was really upset about it.  I had planned on having some kind of career, preferably one that made lots of money and allowed me to travel the world and have expensive things. I giggle at myself when I think back on these memories now.  How immature and naive...

I'm a wife and stay at home mom now and I LOVE it!  It was not the life I had planned for myself when I was younger nor was it a life I ever thought I would have and enjoy.  When I graduated college with a degree but no career options I was a little sad but had come to terms with the fact that my priorities had changed.  I wanted to get married and maybe even have children some day.  And now I thank God that I had no career because it would have been hard to give that up to stay home with children.  The funny thing is, I spent so much time in college stressing over not knowing what to do with my life and being so upset that I wouldn't have a career.  Now I thank God for that and the life He had planned for me.  It's so much richer than I could have ever dreamed! And being a wife and stay at home mommy has made me feel more useful and happy than any career I thought I wanted.

A life I never expected has become my perfect life, the one I was meant to have and now embrace and am so thankful for! Don't get me wrong, some days are hard and frustrating but the "career" I have now is just what I wanted (I didn't know it before) and more importantly, it's what I needed. Even on the rough days, I thank God for giving me what I needed and what He had planned and not what I had asked for.

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