Thursday, July 31, 2014

Living Intentionally

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Recently I've been struggling with an ungrateful heart and the feeling of discontentment.  Living in our society today seems to be all about having more and doing more and I've often felt that yearning for "more".  But lately I've felt a tug on my heart, God whispering to my soul, "Look around you, you have everything."  And although I know this to be true, I still compare my life to others and want what they have. 

In an effort to get back on track I've been doing some soul searching and house purging.  Do you purge? What I'm finding is that it's become an addiction.  The more things I'm giving away, the more I want to get rid of.  What's even better is when I find someone who has a need for something I'm giving away or perhaps it's just a want of theirs but they will use it and love it.  This has actually given me mixed feelings: on the one hand it makes me so happy to give something to someone who will enjoy it and I feel good about that.  On the other, I feel guilt for hanging onto the item for so long when it could have been used and enjoyed by another. 

As a SAHM I've found myself too many times on Pinterest or reading blogs and wishing I had the clothes those women have or wanting their home d├ęcor or the space of their homes.  By American standards I live in a small home: 3 bedrooms, 2baths, fairly large eat-in kitchen, living room, 1 car garage.  No dining room, no 4th bedroom or office space, no basement and no 2 car garage. A few months ago I read an article about American materialism and if memory serves me correctly in the 1950's the average American home had between 1,111-1,500 sq feet and today it's about 2,500.  If we lived in the 50's I would be average :)  Here's the deal: when we bought our home 5 years ago I LOVED it but the more I have seen what others have around me, the more I want.

I have been feeling cramped and wondering how we can ever have another child because then we won't have an extra bedroom and place for our computer desk.  We NEED an extra bedroom, right? Since we have had company ONCE...my husband's cousin stayed with us for two days a few years ago when his family came to visit.  We NEED a 2 car garage so I can park my car on one side and we can fill the other side with all our junk stuff.  We need that basement because our children need a place to play and mess.  We sometimes have bad storms so we NEED a place to be safe.  Right?!

In order to combat all these feelings I'm trying to get away from the "American Dream" and live MY dream! The life God has planned for me. We have more than enough space when we compare our living space to the world's standards.  We have MORE than enough junk stuff to fill our home.  I want to be content if we stay in our small home forever.  How fun would it be to have our children and their spouses here for the holidays and their children too, making new memories in the home they once grew up in? And once our children are grown and gone we won't need more than this house. 

I want my heart to feel content and to have a posture of thankfulness and gratitude.  I want to see all the blessings I currently have and live life, not live for stuff.  It's funny because by giving things away and having less, I feel like I have more! I want my life to reflect the quote at the top of this page.